I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
