I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
