whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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