so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
