You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Randomize
