last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
