Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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