you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
