somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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