I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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