Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
