I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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