It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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