You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
