? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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