i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
