Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
