I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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