Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
