So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
