Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
