I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
