tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
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my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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