Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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