I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
