but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
