new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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