ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize