my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
