Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
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I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize