I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
