She's JV to your varsity
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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