I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
