You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We are all done wearing pants today
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
