Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
