I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
jump out the window naked night went bad
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