I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
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