I feel great
I just peed on a car
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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