You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
