We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
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Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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