That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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