we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
