I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
