I forgot how hot balto sounded
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
