yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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