we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Randomize
