you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
