I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
