So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
