he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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