I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I cannot find my penis.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
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He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
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So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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