I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
