you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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