I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
