I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
