No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
