the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
