I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
