i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
