the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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