Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
