Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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