Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
