True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize