dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
