its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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