I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
