pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
