I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
