i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
