Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
