I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
