she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
