The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
