Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
