I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You have to summon your inner elephant
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
