so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
