2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
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I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
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What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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