if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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