The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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