i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
