he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
