Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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