Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
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we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
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I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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