i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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